YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
What can you do? What YOU CAN do!
GROWING GOOD MENTAL HEALTH #127
Beginning December 2019, ending May 2023, the global public health emergency known as COVID- 19 pandemic changed our social lives. All but essential businesses were closed. We were directed to shelter at home. Many people worked remotely, and children attended school remotely. Virtually all casual encounters and acquaintance interactions vanished. Essentially, we were ALONE TOGETHER, if we lived with others. Or we were ALONE ALONE, if we lived alone.
As I’ve explained before, all people are born with 5 basic psychological needs driving our behavior from birth to death. LOVE, BELONGING & CONNECTIONS, may be the most important and vital of all. Mother Nature provided the research to verify this notion, in the form of a deadly, highly contagious virus known as COVID-19, that kept us all isolated. Our accessibility for face-to-face contact and connections was dramatically curtailed, hurting and diminishing our levels of satisfaction.
As a person who lives alone and worked remotely, I definitely missed the casual “water cooler” interactions with my co-workers. When we met for our Zoom “meetings” it was almost exclusively work focused, without the personal human-to-human informal connections. To best meet our needs, most people usually build a network of relationships that incorporate the following people in the following arrangement:
Our relationships have levels of intimacy, as this graphic defines — although it’s missing an important ring — FAMILY. Between Friends and Self is another very important relationship network, our family.
Now that our lives are back to “social norms” we have returned to the casual social interactions described as acquaintances; the people we see, exchange a friendly greeting smile or pleasantry with. With no concern about exposure to or exchanging a virus with one another, we are able to return to spending social time, electronically or in person with friends. If you’re lucky, you’ve also made some new friends.
The important ring, FAMILY may or may not have been missing during the pandemic, except perhaps electronic interactions. Some folks were sheltering at home with their family, perhaps experiencing the delight of family time without the interference of other obligations. Others may have felt crowded, cramped, or suffered from too much family time.
What about your relationship with your SELF? How’s that going? Even during COVID times, we were all able to maintain our relationship with SELF. Would you describe that as good, healthy, kind and loving? Or are you saying/thinking things to yourself that you would never ever say to another human being?
Do you like yourself? Do you admire, respect, and love YOU?
Amazingly, the person we each will have the longest relationship with is SELF!
Are you doing anything to develop, grow, improve or maintain this relationship? If you’re like most people, you’re probably taking that relationship for granted, not even considering it! “Self-care” is currently a topic discussed and recommended these days: eating well, getting enough sleep, rest relaxation, slowing down, meditating.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
But do you include spending time doing things you enjoy, as you would in cultivating a relationship with a friend? Are you listening to the information you are telling yourself? Do your private thoughts sound like “How clever you are! Such a quick wit!” Or does it sound more like “I can’t believe what an idiot you are! Did you really just say that stupid, mean, unkind thing to that person?” (To yourself?)
When we get information from others, we can choose to ignore it. It’s significantly harder to do that when the information and thoughts are repeatedly coming from inside our own head!
WHAT YOU CAN DO. . .
We know that success in any relationship is directly proportional to how well the people involved get along with each other. How well are you getting along with yourself?
“Being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses,” said the mole.
Charlie Mackesy The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse
As William Glasser said, “Always keep in mind that FUN is the shortest distance between two people and the glue that binds.” This same principal applies to the most important relationship in your life; the one with YOURSELF!
WHAT YOU CAN DO. . .
“Fall in love with yourself. Be gentle, loving, kind and attentive. Take time throughout each day to tend to your needs, just as you would tend to someone you loved deeply. Loving and caring for yourself this way won’t waste time. It’s not delay. Take better care of yourself and life’s magic will return. Your life will improve. You’ll feel better too.” — Melody Beattie Journey to the Heart, p.103
Do you like you? Are you the kind of person you enjoy spending time with? Are you curious to learn more about yourself?
If your answer is NO, don’t you think it’s about time you start investigating, developing and improving the relationship you have with SELF? What are you waiting for? If need be, start making changes to BECOME the person you want to hang out with, to live with, to love!
If your answer is YES, JUMP FOR JOY and celebrate!
Growing good mental health IS growing and maintaining a good relationship with SELF!
Cheers, Dr. Nancy